God’s Plan For Marriage
In this edition of our monthly newsletter I will be writing about marriage. In it we will review the purpose of marriage, our responsibility and fulfillment in Christ, the role of the husband and the wife and maintaining oneness.
In our societies and culture we have different ways to approach marriage. But as Christians we know God has a plan and purpose for marriage. Let’s look at this plan to find both our role and how to maintain a beautiful marriage.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
(Genesis 2:18-24)
Here we read about the creation of the woman and we discover the purpose of marriage. There is a unity between the man and the woman. Here we read that the woman was created out of a rib that belonged to the man. More specifically the word that is translated as rib in English actually means his side. So likely a little bit of his flesh and bones were taken. Hence, Adam says this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Some flesh and some bone was taken. God could have easily created Eve from the dust of the ground, but if he had done that Adam would have viewed her as a distinct and separate being. But since she was taken from his side he viewed her as a part of him and as an exact equal of him in nature, mind and rights.
What are the implications of Eve’s creation and the statement of Adam regarding marriage?
Woman’s Nature and Position
Man was created first and we can therefore infer that he is to be the leader of the woman. However, she was taken from Adam’s side we can also conclude that she is his equal. She is made up of all the same materials as the man.
God intends for man to be the initiator, the provider and the leader in his relationship with the woman. He also wants man to realize that she is his equal. She is a part of him and therefore is to be treated and related to just as he would treat his own body. When you make decisions you make them together. You are ONE and therefore cannot exist and decide separately from each other.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (Eph 5:28-29)
Just as in the Gospel we obey and submit to Christ out of our love for him and what he has done for us so will the woman submit to the man who is nourishing and cherishing her. She will do it out of love and not by force. If we are forced to love and submit to someone we are not really loving and submitting them. Love and submission can only come willingly by the sincere desire of the heart.
Purpose of Marriage
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24
The purpose of marriage is found here in a two-fold oneness. What does it mean to be one flesh? Man is first to leave his parents. You are to leave their authority and leave their nurturing and cleave to your wife. To cleave means to be joined together or to pursue and join together.
And after you are joined together then you are one flesh. The first and obvious understanding of being one flesh is the sexual relationship which then produces children. However, the other portion of this oneness is in heart and mind. “And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8. They are not two anymore. They are now one. They are one body. To be one body means to be a unit.
This oneness should be in heart, mind and soul. You now no longer live separate lives where you make separate decisions. When you are one in heart and one in soul you desire to communicate with each other, you desire to be in each others presence and you desire to please each other.
It is very simple to be one flesh sexually and bring forth children. Any “idiot” can do that, but as Christians we are called to more than an idiot. We are called to oneness in our heart and mind with our spouses. We are called to share life together, share decisions together and in everything to be in union.
Some men feel that they must make every decision without any input from their wife. This is not oneness. This is a man dominating his wife. The husband leads, the husband initiates, but he also prays together with his wife and gets her opinion and her “leading” from the Holy Spirit in the decision.
Responsibility and Attitude In Christ
As Christians we are called to love other regardless of that person’s attitude or treatment of ourselves. So if someone is rude to you or hates you or persecutes you we are asked by Jesus to love them from our heart.
Sometimes in marriage things don’t go the way we’d like and our spouse treats us in a way that makes us angry or frustrated. However, as Christians we are called to a higher life than these reactions. We are not called to respond in anger or rudeness. Jesus asks us to love others regardless of how they treat us. It is not our responsibility to get angry at our spouse. It is our responsibility to love them regardless of how they have treated us. We shouldn’t try to get even with them. Even if they treat us bad we should respond with love and service to them.
Brother Branham said, “You know, love is the greatest force that we have, the most powerful force. Do you believe that? Love. Love will just do things that nothing else will do.” (April 26, 1956 Jesus Christ the Same Yesterday, Today and Forever) If you wish to change your spouse to treat you better use the greatest force we have, love. Love them by serving them self-sacrificially asking for nothing in return.
If you are in an abusive relationship the same powerful force will work coupled with prayer. However, in some circumstances there is a great danger for your life and it is best for you to speak about this with your pastor. I understand you may be afraid of your husband in that situation, but it is very important that you seek the help of your pastor or an elder in your church when you are being abused.
“But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.” Matthew 23:11
Many people feel that marriage is a 50-50 arrangement. If you give 50% I will give 50% of my effort. We are not called to live like the world. This is the arrangement that they have. Jesus Christ asks us to love with our whole heart regardless of how we are treated. Even if our spouse gives NO EFFORT into the relationship we are called to give 100%. This may hurt sometimes, but you will have your reward for loving with your whole being. It is a great pleasure to love as Jesus asked you to love. You will never regret it.
For example, you may feel that your spouse is being too lazy and the house is getting too dirty. Your desire is to tell them to stop being lazy and start getting to work. Instead, if you want to love and serve as Jesus called you to, you should get up and clean the house yourself. You first give 100% of yourself to the marriage because Jesus asked you to love in this way. He did not give conditions. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25
Role of Husband
A husband that would hit his wife, treat her like something less than him and abuse her with words is considered a beast. He has not been born again and is a man that needs to repent and come to know Christ. If you have Christ in your heart you will have a deep desire to treat your wife with respect and love, and to fulfil the role God has for a husband.
What is the role of the husband in the marriage?
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
(Eph 5:23-29)
The husband is head or leader and governor of the wife. His example in this leadership is our Lord Jesus Christ. A husband is not a tyrant, for our Lord Jesus is not a tyrant. A husband is a gentleman who is full of love, for the Lord Jesus was a gentleman full of love. The leadership of a husband is described by Paul as servanthood, one willing to lay down his life totally for his Bride. How could it be any different, for this is the leadership that Jesus Christ came to us with.
Husband, do you love your wife as Christ loved the church? Are you willing to sacrifice your life for the building up, strengthening and nourishing of your wife? Or are you waiting for someone else to provide for your family or hoping the government will fix all your problems? As a husband you should be encouraging and building up the faith and walk of your wife. Part of loving your wife is ministering to and building her up in the faith.
When man was created the woman was in him. Adam was both male and female and then later God took Eve out of his side. Therefore, the wife is a part of the husband. So when you love your wife you are loving yourself.
Loving your wife and being her head does not mean you control her or that she is forced to reverence you when you are living in such a way that is disgraceful. Brother Branham said in the sermon “A Thinking Man’s Filter” in August of 1965, “Even the second place, I believe it is, the entire Bible, that reverence was ever spoke to. Said, “The women, seeing she reverence her husband, reverence her husband.” Then a husband ought to live such a life before his wife that his wife could reverence him as a son of God. And if he doesn’t live that kind of life, well, then, course, she wouldn’t reverence him, because she knows what he’s made of. But when it is a man that is reverent man, reverent and clean, with his wife and before his family, a real servant of God, then the women, children, and all, should respect that servant of God, with reverence.”
Leadership is self-sacrificing, if you want to lead your wife properly when you feel it is time that you should be served that means it is time for you to serve her. There are many ways for you to serve your wife; you can spend time in prayer with her and reading her the bible, you can wash the dishes, you can cook dinner or watch the children while she gets some alone time, you can rub her feet or her back, you can brush her hair, you can bring her flowers or get her favorite meal, you can write her notes, you can clean the house. There are SO many ways you can serve her.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7
Live with your wives according to knowledge means that you understand her needs and her heart. It is a big joke that men cannot understand women, but the Bible tells us that we can and should understand our wives. We should become a student of their heart and know how we can best serve them. We must give honor to our wives. To give honor means to value them, to esteem them as important and worthy of our time and attention. The woman is indeed the weaker vessel, she is by nature less strong than the man and the man ought to protect her both physically and spiritually. We are both equally called to grace and both equal in the sight of God. Then Peter says that if we do not live with our wives in an understanding way and if we do not give them honor then our prayers will be hindered. Let’s be clear here, if you are living in such a way where you are mistreating your wife physically or verbally your prayers are not being heard.
Role of Wife
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 1 Peter 3:5-6
To be subject to your husband means that you are following his leadership. If your husband is an evil man, you do not have to follow him into evil, but you should still submit to him and love him with your whole heart. If you still submit to him even in his wickedness he can be won to Christ by what a glorious live you are living. “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1. This is very difficult to do, but through the power of the Holy Spirit the love of Jesus will shine through you.
When the husband is walking in the Spirit of God, following the will and purpose of God it is easy to submit yourself to him and follow him. But in the times when it seems he is making a mistake are you still able to submit to him? Think of Sarah when Abraham allowed her to go down to be a part of Pharaoh’s harem. She submitted herself to her husband and went down there not knowing what would happen to her. Yet, God protected her. I believe the same will happen to you. If you submit to your husband (even after you expressed your concerns to him) God will bless you and protect you.
If you are being physically abused and hurt by your husband, please, it is important to speak with a pastor or an elder about this. You should not just allow yourself to be hurt by him thinking that this is submission to him.
The woman is also called to serve and be in subjection to her husband. There are many women who want to lead, override and manipulate their husbands to follow the way that they want. This is not the scriptural way to live. And this manipulation destroys their relationship and pushes away their husband from them. The husband will then feel disrespected and becomes distant from his wife.
Maintaining Oneness
So, how do we maintain oneness in the marriage? In relationships unless we spend time and effort on them they tend to drift apart and become more and more distant. In order to maintain oneness you need to tend to your marriage; spend time communicating with each other about your hearts, your plans, your dreams and day to day struggles. Spend time praying with each other and reading the Bible, communicate about what you are learning in the Bible. It is important to be able to get away with each other away from the children. Bring the children to a relative and go for a walk, go to a restaurant or a tea shop and just spend time with each other.
In relationships we often wait for the other person to put effort into it before we do, but this is not God’s pattern. We are called to love and bear the burdens of each other not when they deserve it, not when it is convenient, but to love without hypocrisy. Romans 12:9. You cannot wait for the other person to love you. If you do that you are a hypocrite. Jesus didn’t wait for us to love him. He loved us first, he took the initiative to love us. As Christian husbands and wives we have to love like Jesus loved. We take the initiative even if we don’t feel like it, even if we are hurt. We are overcomers and we can love even the person that has hurt and shamed us. So regardless of your spouse’s condition love them, serve them, take initiative to restore the relationship, take initiative to make love to each other, take initiative to do something nice for them. If you are a Christian you can’t leave it up to the other person.
In marriage we think that we will be unselfish, but unfortunately even as Christians we become selfish in marriage. If we find that our spouse has become selfish, of course, we should talk to them about it, but more than anything we should be an example. Go above and beyond what your responsibility is by loving and serving them regardless of whether they deserve it or not. Many times the initiative we take to serve them in a way that speaks to their heart will do more than our words can in changing their hearts.
Conclusion
God’s plan for a husband and wife to be one and to be a model of Christ and his Bride. When you and your spouse are one in heart, life and soul you are reflecting the character and nature of God. To be one goes way beyond sexually. Any filthy person can become one with a prostitute, but God wants husbands and wives to be one. That is their lives are blended together in a beautiful union of love and an expression of one purpose and goal in life as a reflection of the very nature of God himself. When God made Adam he made him in his image and likeness. Adam was male and female. Then God separated the female portion and made Eve, yet God’s plan was to go from that original oneness to maintain that same type of oneness in two bodies.
My prayer is that we all experience marriage as God designed it and that we would live in mutual love, respect and honor to one another, the man knowing his role and the wife knowing her role.
In this edition of our monthly newsletter I will be writing about marriage. In it we will review the purpose of marriage, our responsibility and fulfillment in Christ, the role of the husband and the wife and maintaining oneness.
In our societies and culture we have different ways to approach marriage. But as Christians we know God has a plan and purpose for marriage. Let’s look at this plan to find both our role and how to maintain a beautiful marriage.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
(Genesis 2:18-24)
Here we read about the creation of the woman and we discover the purpose of marriage. There is a unity between the man and the woman. Here we read that the woman was created out of a rib that belonged to the man. More specifically the word that is translated as rib in English actually means his side. So likely a little bit of his flesh and bones were taken. Hence, Adam says this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Some flesh and some bone was taken. God could have easily created Eve from the dust of the ground, but if he had done that Adam would have viewed her as a distinct and separate being. But since she was taken from his side he viewed her as a part of him and as an exact equal of him in nature, mind and rights.
What are the implications of Eve’s creation and the statement of Adam regarding marriage?
Woman’s Nature and Position
Man was created first and we can therefore infer that he is to be the leader of the woman. However, she was taken from Adam’s side we can also conclude that she is his equal. She is made up of all the same materials as the man.
God intends for man to be the initiator, the provider and the leader in his relationship with the woman. He also wants man to realize that she is his equal. She is a part of him and therefore is to be treated and related to just as he would treat his own body. When you make decisions you make them together. You are ONE and therefore cannot exist and decide separately from each other.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (Eph 5:28-29)
Just as in the Gospel we obey and submit to Christ out of our love for him and what he has done for us so will the woman submit to the man who is nourishing and cherishing her. She will do it out of love and not by force. If we are forced to love and submit to someone we are not really loving and submitting them. Love and submission can only come willingly by the sincere desire of the heart.
Purpose of Marriage
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24
The purpose of marriage is found here in a two-fold oneness. What does it mean to be one flesh? Man is first to leave his parents. You are to leave their authority and leave their nurturing and cleave to your wife. To cleave means to be joined together or to pursue and join together.
And after you are joined together then you are one flesh. The first and obvious understanding of being one flesh is the sexual relationship which then produces children. However, the other portion of this oneness is in heart and mind. “And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8. They are not two anymore. They are now one. They are one body. To be one body means to be a unit.
This oneness should be in heart, mind and soul. You now no longer live separate lives where you make separate decisions. When you are one in heart and one in soul you desire to communicate with each other, you desire to be in each others presence and you desire to please each other.
It is very simple to be one flesh sexually and bring forth children. Any “idiot” can do that, but as Christians we are called to more than an idiot. We are called to oneness in our heart and mind with our spouses. We are called to share life together, share decisions together and in everything to be in union.
Some men feel that they must make every decision without any input from their wife. This is not oneness. This is a man dominating his wife. The husband leads, the husband initiates, but he also prays together with his wife and gets her opinion and her “leading” from the Holy Spirit in the decision.
Responsibility and Attitude In Christ
As Christians we are called to love other regardless of that person’s attitude or treatment of ourselves. So if someone is rude to you or hates you or persecutes you we are asked by Jesus to love them from our heart.
Sometimes in marriage things don’t go the way we’d like and our spouse treats us in a way that makes us angry or frustrated. However, as Christians we are called to a higher life than these reactions. We are not called to respond in anger or rudeness. Jesus asks us to love others regardless of how they treat us. It is not our responsibility to get angry at our spouse. It is our responsibility to love them regardless of how they have treated us. We shouldn’t try to get even with them. Even if they treat us bad we should respond with love and service to them.
Brother Branham said, “You know, love is the greatest force that we have, the most powerful force. Do you believe that? Love. Love will just do things that nothing else will do.” (April 26, 1956 Jesus Christ the Same Yesterday, Today and Forever) If you wish to change your spouse to treat you better use the greatest force we have, love. Love them by serving them self-sacrificially asking for nothing in return.
If you are in an abusive relationship the same powerful force will work coupled with prayer. However, in some circumstances there is a great danger for your life and it is best for you to speak about this with your pastor. I understand you may be afraid of your husband in that situation, but it is very important that you seek the help of your pastor or an elder in your church when you are being abused.
“But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.” Matthew 23:11
Many people feel that marriage is a 50-50 arrangement. If you give 50% I will give 50% of my effort. We are not called to live like the world. This is the arrangement that they have. Jesus Christ asks us to love with our whole heart regardless of how we are treated. Even if our spouse gives NO EFFORT into the relationship we are called to give 100%. This may hurt sometimes, but you will have your reward for loving with your whole being. It is a great pleasure to love as Jesus asked you to love. You will never regret it.
For example, you may feel that your spouse is being too lazy and the house is getting too dirty. Your desire is to tell them to stop being lazy and start getting to work. Instead, if you want to love and serve as Jesus called you to, you should get up and clean the house yourself. You first give 100% of yourself to the marriage because Jesus asked you to love in this way. He did not give conditions. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25
Role of Husband
A husband that would hit his wife, treat her like something less than him and abuse her with words is considered a beast. He has not been born again and is a man that needs to repent and come to know Christ. If you have Christ in your heart you will have a deep desire to treat your wife with respect and love, and to fulfil the role God has for a husband.
What is the role of the husband in the marriage?
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
(Eph 5:23-29)
The husband is head or leader and governor of the wife. His example in this leadership is our Lord Jesus Christ. A husband is not a tyrant, for our Lord Jesus is not a tyrant. A husband is a gentleman who is full of love, for the Lord Jesus was a gentleman full of love. The leadership of a husband is described by Paul as servanthood, one willing to lay down his life totally for his Bride. How could it be any different, for this is the leadership that Jesus Christ came to us with.
Husband, do you love your wife as Christ loved the church? Are you willing to sacrifice your life for the building up, strengthening and nourishing of your wife? Or are you waiting for someone else to provide for your family or hoping the government will fix all your problems? As a husband you should be encouraging and building up the faith and walk of your wife. Part of loving your wife is ministering to and building her up in the faith.
When man was created the woman was in him. Adam was both male and female and then later God took Eve out of his side. Therefore, the wife is a part of the husband. So when you love your wife you are loving yourself.
Loving your wife and being her head does not mean you control her or that she is forced to reverence you when you are living in such a way that is disgraceful. Brother Branham said in the sermon “A Thinking Man’s Filter” in August of 1965, “Even the second place, I believe it is, the entire Bible, that reverence was ever spoke to. Said, “The women, seeing she reverence her husband, reverence her husband.” Then a husband ought to live such a life before his wife that his wife could reverence him as a son of God. And if he doesn’t live that kind of life, well, then, course, she wouldn’t reverence him, because she knows what he’s made of. But when it is a man that is reverent man, reverent and clean, with his wife and before his family, a real servant of God, then the women, children, and all, should respect that servant of God, with reverence.”
Leadership is self-sacrificing, if you want to lead your wife properly when you feel it is time that you should be served that means it is time for you to serve her. There are many ways for you to serve your wife; you can spend time in prayer with her and reading her the bible, you can wash the dishes, you can cook dinner or watch the children while she gets some alone time, you can rub her feet or her back, you can brush her hair, you can bring her flowers or get her favorite meal, you can write her notes, you can clean the house. There are SO many ways you can serve her.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7
Live with your wives according to knowledge means that you understand her needs and her heart. It is a big joke that men cannot understand women, but the Bible tells us that we can and should understand our wives. We should become a student of their heart and know how we can best serve them. We must give honor to our wives. To give honor means to value them, to esteem them as important and worthy of our time and attention. The woman is indeed the weaker vessel, she is by nature less strong than the man and the man ought to protect her both physically and spiritually. We are both equally called to grace and both equal in the sight of God. Then Peter says that if we do not live with our wives in an understanding way and if we do not give them honor then our prayers will be hindered. Let’s be clear here, if you are living in such a way where you are mistreating your wife physically or verbally your prayers are not being heard.
Role of Wife
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 1 Peter 3:5-6
To be subject to your husband means that you are following his leadership. If your husband is an evil man, you do not have to follow him into evil, but you should still submit to him and love him with your whole heart. If you still submit to him even in his wickedness he can be won to Christ by what a glorious live you are living. “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1. This is very difficult to do, but through the power of the Holy Spirit the love of Jesus will shine through you.
When the husband is walking in the Spirit of God, following the will and purpose of God it is easy to submit yourself to him and follow him. But in the times when it seems he is making a mistake are you still able to submit to him? Think of Sarah when Abraham allowed her to go down to be a part of Pharaoh’s harem. She submitted herself to her husband and went down there not knowing what would happen to her. Yet, God protected her. I believe the same will happen to you. If you submit to your husband (even after you expressed your concerns to him) God will bless you and protect you.
If you are being physically abused and hurt by your husband, please, it is important to speak with a pastor or an elder about this. You should not just allow yourself to be hurt by him thinking that this is submission to him.
The woman is also called to serve and be in subjection to her husband. There are many women who want to lead, override and manipulate their husbands to follow the way that they want. This is not the scriptural way to live. And this manipulation destroys their relationship and pushes away their husband from them. The husband will then feel disrespected and becomes distant from his wife.
Maintaining Oneness
So, how do we maintain oneness in the marriage? In relationships unless we spend time and effort on them they tend to drift apart and become more and more distant. In order to maintain oneness you need to tend to your marriage; spend time communicating with each other about your hearts, your plans, your dreams and day to day struggles. Spend time praying with each other and reading the Bible, communicate about what you are learning in the Bible. It is important to be able to get away with each other away from the children. Bring the children to a relative and go for a walk, go to a restaurant or a tea shop and just spend time with each other.
In relationships we often wait for the other person to put effort into it before we do, but this is not God’s pattern. We are called to love and bear the burdens of each other not when they deserve it, not when it is convenient, but to love without hypocrisy. Romans 12:9. You cannot wait for the other person to love you. If you do that you are a hypocrite. Jesus didn’t wait for us to love him. He loved us first, he took the initiative to love us. As Christian husbands and wives we have to love like Jesus loved. We take the initiative even if we don’t feel like it, even if we are hurt. We are overcomers and we can love even the person that has hurt and shamed us. So regardless of your spouse’s condition love them, serve them, take initiative to restore the relationship, take initiative to make love to each other, take initiative to do something nice for them. If you are a Christian you can’t leave it up to the other person.
In marriage we think that we will be unselfish, but unfortunately even as Christians we become selfish in marriage. If we find that our spouse has become selfish, of course, we should talk to them about it, but more than anything we should be an example. Go above and beyond what your responsibility is by loving and serving them regardless of whether they deserve it or not. Many times the initiative we take to serve them in a way that speaks to their heart will do more than our words can in changing their hearts.
Conclusion
God’s plan for a husband and wife to be one and to be a model of Christ and his Bride. When you and your spouse are one in heart, life and soul you are reflecting the character and nature of God. To be one goes way beyond sexually. Any filthy person can become one with a prostitute, but God wants husbands and wives to be one. That is their lives are blended together in a beautiful union of love and an expression of one purpose and goal in life as a reflection of the very nature of God himself. When God made Adam he made him in his image and likeness. Adam was male and female. Then God separated the female portion and made Eve, yet God’s plan was to go from that original oneness to maintain that same type of oneness in two bodies.
My prayer is that we all experience marriage as God designed it and that we would live in mutual love, respect and honor to one another, the man knowing his role and the wife knowing her role.
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